Marcellus the Hutt
Marcellus the Hutt, or Sir Corpulent the Bloated as his childhood friends called him, was a fatso from the planet Fattyland. Marcellus started out as a simple Foot Locker employee, before he discovered his skills as a competitive eater. Soon, Marcellus won the World Eating Championship and became a corrupt crime lord. Humble beginnings Marcellus was born on the planet fattyland to parents Ron Jeremy and Juhani. Marcellus' birth was reported on the front page of the Fattyland Times, with the headline "Unusually Fat, Ugly Baby Born". Growing up in a household with a pr0n star and a lesbian cat did irreparable damage to Marcellus' self-esteem, and he spent his days in the refrigerator, stuffing food down his throat in a vain attempt to suffocate himself. Unfortunately, Marcellus survived the suicide attempts, and became unnaturally overweight. Marcellus grew so bloated that his friends called him "Sir Corpulent", displaying a vocabulary unknown to such young'uns. Foot Locker One day, Marcellus' father grew tired of Marcellus' girth, and sent him to a Fat Camp on Coruscant. While Marcellus was away from Fattyland, his home planet was destroyed by Darth Darth Binks. Marcellus laughed when he heard the news, as the children who had given him his cruel nickname were all dead, but found that he was now homeless and needed a job. Marcellus wandered the streets of Coruscant for some time, looking for employment. One day, while in a drunken stupor, he wandered into a Foot Locker, and ended up getting a job as Senior Foot Advisor. His job entailed sniffing the foot of the customer to figure out his shoe size. But Marcellus, who had become an alcoholic by this time, almost never showed up for work. He was soon fired. Competitive Eater After his firing from the Foot Locker, Marcellus slept in several different homeless shelters, often mugging sewer rats for crack money. One day, the homeless shelter that he lived in held it's annual "You Fuckers Don't Have Jobs, So We'll Have A Hot Dog Eating Contest To Give You Lazy Homeless Bastards Something To Do" hot dog eating contest. Marcellus won in a landslide eating 936 hot dogs in two minutes, while the first runner-up had 12. Luckily for Marcellus, competitive eating all-star Pizza McRandall witnessed Marcellus' gorge-fest, and signed him to a competitive eating contract. Marcellus rose quickly through the competitive eating ranks, setting galaxy records in hot dog eating, hamburger eating, and Selkath eating. But one day, while Marcellus was in a tofu eating contest, he had 13 heart attacks at once. While he was in the hospital, doctors discovered that Marcellus' arteries were clogged up with 34 metric tons of pure, American cholesterol. The doctors were able to save Marcellus' life with an unprecedented septuple bypass surgery, but he would never eat again. The Rise of the Dark Something Once Marcellus' eating career was over, he was jobless once again. He spent a short time as a rapper, releasing a hit single, They Call Me Big Fatty before he was dropped from his label for drug possession. He then met crime lord Davik Kang, who taught him how to be a crime lord. Davik wanted for Marcellus to be his lackey, but Marcellus shot Davik in the balls and ran, taking lots of money with him. With the money, Marcellus started his own crime syndicate, but due to his crack addiction, he named it the "Dark Something". They came close to controlling the entire galaxy, until Davik came back for revenge. Sporting a new, iron ballsack with laser-shooting action, Davik thoroughly PWN3D Marcellus and took over the Dark Something. Marcellus died soon after, from a heroin overdose. Personality and traits Marcellus was fat, even for a Hutt, which helped him become the greatest competitive eater of all time. He was addicted to heroin, crack, and was a meth enthusiast, and claimed he could quit anytime he wanted, but ended up beating up children, small animals, and even inanimate objects to feed his addiction. He also loved dogs. Category:Crimelords Category:Hermaphrodites Category:Hutts